Author Archives: spring-admin

No, not the baby’s one — the office meeting one. It’s sounds devious but it’s really not. It just generates more respect for your ideas. Arrive at the gathering early and scan the room for the highest chair. Then place your soon-to-be-more-respected tush upon it. All the chairs the same height? If they’re the spinnable type, spin yours up to the highest position. Or, if there is a couch in the meeting room, nonchalantly sit on the arm. The goal is to be the highest participant in the room so, when you speak, people must look up to you. Just be careful if you think your CEO knows this trick. Then take the second highest seat!

When introducing a subject, your colleague asks you “Have you ever heard of . . .so-and-so?” No matter how obscure the person, place, or thing your questioner is referring to, you feel like a dummy. Don’t do that to others! Save them the humiliation of having to confess their ignorance.
Amend that to “You may have heard of so-and-so,” then go QUICKLY into your point before they are forced to blush and mumble “no.” Or lie about the extent of their knowledge . . .”

Sure, everyone loves hearing their name. But if you say it at the beginning of your phone, email, or live conversation, it loses 90% of its power. Save it for near the END, and it gives much more punch. It’s especially powerful with customer service people. Scribble their name on a pad when you first hear it. Then don’t use their name until the END of the communication when you can say something like, “Thanks, you’ve been a great help, Bob." (You can bet Bob is going to give you even better service now!) And using a friend's or new acquaintance’s name at the END of your conversation creates a warmer and deeper bond: “It’s been wonderful taking with you, Patricia.”

The next time your day is interrupted by a telemarketer, interrupt and say, “Go ahead. I teach telemarketing. I want to hear how good you are.” The next thing you’ll hear is “click.” They almost always hang up!

My conscience doesn’t bother me saying that because I actually do train people in telephone skills. But don’t worry about your teensy white lie. Crossing your fingers and telling them that is only fair — considering how many lies telemarketers tell you!

Try it! Re-read any e-mail you’ve recently sent. Then delete the word “I” as many times as you can. The message is still clear. (For example, “Want to confirm our date” rather than “I want to confirm our date.”) The fewer times you use “I” in your messages, the more relevance and punch it has for your reader.

In fact, even in conversation, say the word “I” as seldom as possible. Therapists calculate inmates of mental institutions say “I” and “me” twelve times more often than residents of the outside world. As patients’ conditions improve, the number of times they use the personal pronoun also diminishes. In other words, dropping the word “I” is a pretty smart thing to do!

You receive a gift, a favor, a sacrifice, an anything that you want to (or must!) thank someone for. Of course they appreciate (or expect) a thank-you note or E-mail. But here's a way to thrill the giver as well (as get on their "extraordinary people" list.)
Two weeks after your first thank-you note, ponder the pleasure their present gives you. Then write a SECOND thank-you communication. It will warm their heart — and their feelings for you!
Now, lest that sound self-serving, sending a second thank-you is, well, a very nice thing to do. Making people happy, even it hadn't make you special in their eyes, is well worth the effort.

When agreeing with someone, most (unenlightened) people bow their head first down, then up. What’s wrong with this choreography? Unfortunately, a bowed head subliminally signifies subservience, sadness, humiliation. I call it the “Beat me again master” position.

Conversely, when your head is held high, you exude self-assurance and energy. Think about it. You throw your head back when laughing, when winning, when feeling full of pride.

On to your notable nod: When you want to nod to show agreement with what someone is saying, don’t nod your head down and look like you’re eating humble pie. Starting tomorrow, nod your head UP from neutral, then back down to parallel. Now you are not humbly bowing to them. You are confidently gracing them with your agreement.

“Everyone? That’s impossible,” you rightfully protest. I agree, it sounds like an outlandish exaggeration. But it’s not. Read on.
The technique is similar to “The 6 Second Kiss” which is, quite simply (though seldom practiced,) planting 3 kisses a day on your spouse or partner – each lasting 6 seconds. (Gentlemen, forget the “peck” when you’re going to or coming home for work – give her the full six seconds!)
But we’re not talking partners, kisses, and 6 seconds here. We’re talking about almost everybody, warm gazes and 3 seconds. When, say, a colleague or employee enters your office, immediately stop what you’re doing and reward them with a deferential 3 second gaze. Shine that 3 seconds of sunshine on a passing acquaintance, the pharmacist who fills your prescription, the gas station attendant who comes to your car to pump gas.
And, of course, don’t forget your spouse. Put down that newspaper or tear your eyeballs away from the tube when he or she comes into the room. A respectful 3-second gaze can make a world of difference in all your personal and professional relationships.

“Have-a-nice-day.”
“You too.”
“Have-a-nice-day.”
“You too.”
“Have a nice day.”
“You too.”

That knee-jerk reaction to “Have a Nice Day” is so embedded most people’s tongues that only surgery could extract it.

Want to turn your response from ordinary to original, dull to dynamic? Here’s how.

The next time someone mumbles “Have a nice day,” let your eyes light up, give them a sincere smile, and turn directly toward them as though you’d never heard that inspired salutation before. Then happily exclaim something effervescent like, “Why, thank you very much. I really hope you have a nice day too.” You’ll leave them speechless and pleased at their own originality for having wished you a nice day.

But say it with sincerity and warmth. Don’t go overboard lest they think you are sarcastic — and sadistic!

Does your outgoing voicemail message say, "I'm either on the other line or away from my desk?" Whoops, please change it! Some very smart callers told me, "Leil, it makes you sound like a slave who is chained to her desk — and must make apologies for escaping the trap momentarily! And besides, it's OBVIOUS you're not there — so why waste my time telling me?" With much embarrassment, I immediately changed it to the friendlier, "I'm sorry I missed your call." Try it, you'll find people leaving YOU much friendlier messages.