Author Archives: spring-admin

You know how you pass people in the hall every day at work, look at each other fleetingly, and slightly smile as you pass? Well, here's a simple takes-a-split-second-only technique to increase everyone's respect (and affection) for you. Whenever the two of you pass, let your eyes be the LAST to break away from theirs. They continue walking — but with subliminal warm ‘n fuzzies — because they feel you were genuinely interested in them. (And then a funny thing happens. Because you acted like you were more interested in them, you BECOME more interested in them!)

Sure, everyone likes to receive a compliment from you. But why not make it a double-whammy for them? Give them . . .

1) The GRAPEVINE COMPLIMENT Do not bestow a compliment directly upon the receiver. Choose one of their friends to be the "carrier pigeon." Here's an example: You tell Darlene (who is Diana's best friend) that you think that Diana is a dynamic woman. Rest assured that Diana will hear of your admiration before the sun sets. It has traveled straight to her heart through the most reliable information highway in history – the grapevine! And the beauty of it is that she can't accuse you of being a flatterer – because you didn't compliment her. You told her friend!

2) The HEARSAY COMPLIMENT. This one thrills the recipient. Suppose Jill says something complimentary to you about Jack. Run, do not walk, to Jack and say, "You know, Jack, the other day Jill said . . . whatever." Now Jack feels doubly good because both you and Jill know he's a great 'ol guy.

OK OK, just one more — the IMPLIED COMPLIMENT. This one is very subtle. You don't compliment. You merely imply the listener's magnificent qualities. Try saying something like this to them, "Well, Paul, a person as perceptive as you . . . etc." Or, "Susan, someone as slender as you . . . etc." I fell for it once when a man about my age said, "Leil, you're much too young to remember this, but . . .” I was deaf to the rest of his sentence because I was so delighted with his mistake. Er, I mean, implied compliment.

You're dashing to a date, an appointment, a something-or-other. Rats, a chatty colleague spots you and drawls an untimely "Well, hello, let's chat for while" grin.

Usually poor souls ambushed like this furrow their brows; blurt out rapid excuses while prancing in place like a horse being kept from his feed bag; then gallop off. That wins you about as much respect as "Alice in Wonderland's" frenzied White Rabbit – and makes them feel like the Mock Turtle.

No, here's your strategy. As soon as you spot your colleague, come to a smiling and screeching halt. Then YOU give that leisurely "Let's chat" smile. And, yes, do chat — for about ten seconds!

Then, so you don't look like you're making a prison break, gracefully explain your rush and take your leave unhurriedly. However, when you're just a few feet away, pick up your pace to practically a sprint — to support your story. Now they feel valued, you retain their respect, and it doesn't take any longer than doing the insulting white rabbit break dance.

If your company permits, do not have your direct line or phone extension printed on your business card — and definitely not your cell. Why? Because it makes you look humbly accessible to anybody. Instead, hand-write it and say, “Here is my direct number (or extension) which gets you right through to me.” This makes the recipient feel honored that you’re helping them bypass the militia of gatekeepers who protect you from common callers.

A final caveat on business cards: When someone gives you theirs, never just plunk it in your purse or pocket. Read it slowly as though you were inspecting a rare gem.

Then respectively tuck it away in a safe place like a hundred dollar bill.

All right already. I know this one sounds subjective and snooty. Not to mention pretentious. But bear with me, we’re only talking semantics here.

Of course, all of us who work at an office have our "lunch hour," — an hour more or less to eat. But, instead of saying, "during my lunch hour," substitute "at lunch," or "during lunch," or "about 12:30" — anything except "my lunch HOUR."

"Why?" you understandably ask. Because, by saying "HOUR," you are diminishing yourself. Between the lines, the listener hears that somebody above you dictates your schedule.

But, by using one of the suggested substitute phrases, you sound self-directed, not directed by someone else. No matter what professional position you hold, or how structured your day, you have the liberty to think and speak like the Captain of Your Own Ship. And Captains aren't told how long they have for lunch.

Everyone? That’s impossible you rightfully comment. I agree, it does sound like an outlandish exaggeration. But it’s not. Read on.

Have you heard of the “6 seconds Kiss” in a marriage or love affair? Quite simply (though seldom practiced,) it is giving your partner several kisses every day that last at least 6 seconds They are most effectively bestowed when greeting or saying goodbye to your partner if you’re going to be away more than a few hours. . It can be to/from a trip; to/from work; – – -or anytime just to show your love.

But we’re not talking just about partners, kisses, and 6 seconds here. We’re talking about almost everybody, warm gazes and 3 seconds.

You can grant this respectful 3 second gaze to, say, a colleague who enters the room in a meeting; a cashier who takes your money at the pharmacy, the gas station attendant who comes to your car to pump gas.

And, yes, your significant other. Put down that newspaper or rip your eyes away from the tube when he or she comes back from having spent some time in the other room. Look lovingly at your partner of at least 3 seconds.
(Just don’t get this suggestion mixed up and kiss the gas station attendant for 6 seconds.)

Say someone phones you and, as often happens, you have no idea who the heck this caller is.
He says, "Hi, this is Peter."
The normal reaction is, "Uh, um, oh, yeah, Peter WHO?"
Instead, try this little trick to save their ego, and hide your memory lapse.
Hi says: "Hi this is Peter."
You say smilingly, "Hi . . . I know TWO Peters. Which one is this?"
When he gives his last name, sound like you are pleased that it is THIS Peter, not that OTHER one."
But, whoops, suppose even his full name doesn't kick start your memory? Then proceed to Step 2. Say, "Hello, Peter, good to hear from you! It's been a long time. Remind me of what we were last talking about." If you really do know the guy, you've saved him the humiliating task of explaining who he is.
But, what if their name is Ichabod, Ellsworth or Esmeralda? (It's not too likely that you know two Ichabods, Ellsworths or Esmeraldas.) In that case, skip step 1, and proceed directly to step 2.
This little trick is not 100% fool-proof. But it's a heckuva lot better than,

"Uh, um, WHO???"

You’ve just emailed someone who is a Very Important Person to you.
They don’t respond immediately? “No big deal,” you say to yourself.
2nd day: No response. “Hmm,” you surmise, “maybe he’s out of town and just not checking his messages.”
3rd day: To boost your faltering ego, you speculate. “His spam catcher must have caught it by mistake.”
4th day: Insecurity sets in. “Well, I guess I’m pretty low priority to him.”
5th day – Paranoia engulfs you, and you feel miserable. But, as usual when our self esteem is attacked, it turns to resentment against the perpetrator of misery. “How do you like that? The *#@! rat is ignoring me!”

Don’t be one of those thoughtless non-responders. Remember, YOU are a VIP to certain people, and your E-mail is important to them.

Never let the sun set and rise twice before acknowledging someone’s msg – even if it’s just a few words. You ask, “But what if I don’t have the time to deal with it just now. “But don’t I somehow lose “prestige” if I answer immediately? Answer: Definitely not if you shoot back just half a sentence, “Hi Linda, received your msg. and will respond shortly. Thanks.” How long does that take? Use your own words, of course, but you get the idea. You ask, They will greatly appreciate it – and respect you for your thoughtfulness. (Then, if you take the 5 days to give the more lengthy response, they’ll know it’s because you’re busy. Your half sentence shows them respect.

If you’re REALLY busy and don’t have time for even a one liner, make a “stationary” response you can click on. How about, “Hi, I received your msg and look forward to responding in a few days. I’m a bit under the gun right now” – or something like that in your own words or degree of formality.

It is my obligation to alert you that when you hug someone, he or she subliminally senses your sincerity. Basically there are two categories of hugs. There is the sincere kind that long-lost friends give each other when reunited, — and loving spouses share when celebrating their anniversary. Young lovers discovering their newfound ecstasy express their affection with this genuine embrace.

Then, unfortunately, there is the counterfeit category. It’s the kind of insincere clasp that cutthroat competing employees assault each other with at the company holiday party. We’re practically all guilty of giving this fake hug to so called “friends” when meeting or parting. fix

So how can you tell if an embrace is affectionate or artificial? Here’s where the rubber really hits the road in hugging sincerity: UNCOMFORTABLE HUGGERS PAT EACH OTHER’S BACKS!

When you throw your arms around someone and seconds later your hands transmogrify into flippers on your hugee’s back, it signals, “OK, times up. Let’s end this hugging bit. I’m not enjoying it.” Hand flapping discloses discomfort with the closeness.

Hug or don’t hug. But don’t hug and pat at the same time. It mitigates the authenticity of your embrace and makes you look like a hypocrite to people sensitive enough to read your body language.

If someone asks you the same question twice, don’t embarrass them by answering with precisely the same words. Rescue them from that mortifying moment when they realize, “Whoops, I already asked that.” For example, someone inquires, “What year did you graduate?” You answer, “In 1986.” Forgetting they had asked, later in the conversation, they again pose the question, “What year did you graduate?” Don’t repeat 1986”“. That makes it obvious to one and all that they weren’t listening.

Save their face, (and their friendship,) by answering their repetitive question with different words. This time answer “Ten years ago.” They now happily carry on the conversation oblivious to the fact they had screwed up by asking you twice.

Yes, you are being kind by rescuing them from their embarrassment. But it redounds to your benefit as well. Why? A funny thing happens to people. Even though they’ve made the big blooper, their well deserved humiliation later turns to subconscious resentment of you.