September 2008

The next time your day is interrupted by a telemarketer, interrupt and say, “Go ahead. I teach telemarketing. I want to hear how good you are.” The next thing you’ll hear is “click.” They almost always hang up!

My conscience doesn’t bother me saying that because I actually do train people in telephone skills. But don’t worry about your teensy white lie. Crossing your fingers and telling them that is only fair — considering how many lies telemarketers tell you!

Try it! Re-read any e-mail you’ve recently sent. Then delete the word “I” as many times as you can. The message is still clear. (For example, “Want to confirm our date” rather than “I want to confirm our date.”) The fewer times you use “I” in your messages, the more relevance and punch it has for your reader.

In fact, even in conversation, say the word “I” as seldom as possible. Therapists calculate inmates of mental institutions say “I” and “me” twelve times more often than residents of the outside world. As patients’ conditions improve, the number of times they use the personal pronoun also diminishes. In other words, dropping the word “I” is a pretty smart thing to do!

You receive a gift, a favor, a sacrifice, an anything that you want to (or must!) thank someone for. Of course they appreciate (or expect) a thank-you note or E-mail. But here's a way to thrill the giver as well (as get on their "extraordinary people" list.)
Two weeks after your first thank-you note, ponder the pleasure their present gives you. Then write a SECOND thank-you communication. It will warm their heart — and their feelings for you!
Now, lest that sound self-serving, sending a second thank-you is, well, a very nice thing to do. Making people happy, even it hadn't make you special in their eyes, is well worth the effort.

When agreeing with someone, most (unenlightened) people bow their head first down, then up. What’s wrong with this choreography? Unfortunately, a bowed head subliminally signifies subservience, sadness, humiliation. I call it the “Beat me again master” position.

Conversely, when your head is held high, you exude self-assurance and energy. Think about it. You throw your head back when laughing, when winning, when feeling full of pride.

On to your notable nod: When you want to nod to show agreement with what someone is saying, don’t nod your head down and look like you’re eating humble pie. Starting tomorrow, nod your head UP from neutral, then back down to parallel. Now you are not humbly bowing to them. You are confidently gracing them with your agreement.

“Everyone? That’s impossible,” you rightfully protest. I agree, it sounds like an outlandish exaggeration. But it’s not. Read on.
The technique is similar to “The 6 Second Kiss” which is, quite simply (though seldom practiced,) planting 3 kisses a day on your spouse or partner – each lasting 6 seconds. (Gentlemen, forget the “peck” when you’re going to or coming home for work – give her the full six seconds!)
But we’re not talking partners, kisses, and 6 seconds here. We’re talking about almost everybody, warm gazes and 3 seconds. When, say, a colleague or employee enters your office, immediately stop what you’re doing and reward them with a deferential 3 second gaze. Shine that 3 seconds of sunshine on a passing acquaintance, the pharmacist who fills your prescription, the gas station attendant who comes to your car to pump gas.
And, of course, don’t forget your spouse. Put down that newspaper or tear your eyeballs away from the tube when he or she comes into the room. A respectful 3-second gaze can make a world of difference in all your personal and professional relationships.

“Have-a-nice-day.”
“You too.”
“Have-a-nice-day.”
“You too.”
“Have a nice day.”
“You too.”

That knee-jerk reaction to “Have a Nice Day” is so embedded most people’s tongues that only surgery could extract it.

Want to turn your response from ordinary to original, dull to dynamic? Here’s how.

The next time someone mumbles “Have a nice day,” let your eyes light up, give them a sincere smile, and turn directly toward them as though you’d never heard that inspired salutation before. Then happily exclaim something effervescent like, “Why, thank you very much. I really hope you have a nice day too.” You’ll leave them speechless and pleased at their own originality for having wished you a nice day.

But say it with sincerity and warmth. Don’t go overboard lest they think you are sarcastic — and sadistic!

Does your outgoing voicemail message say, "I'm either on the other line or away from my desk?" Whoops, please change it! Some very smart callers told me, "Leil, it makes you sound like a slave who is chained to her desk — and must make apologies for escaping the trap momentarily! And besides, it's OBVIOUS you're not there — so why waste my time telling me?" With much embarrassment, I immediately changed it to the friendlier, "I'm sorry I missed your call." Try it, you'll find people leaving YOU much friendlier messages.

You know how you pass people in the hall every day at work, look at each other fleetingly, and slightly smile as you pass? Well, here's a simple takes-a-split-second-only technique to increase everyone's respect (and affection) for you. Whenever the two of you pass, let your eyes be the LAST to break away from theirs. They continue walking — but with subliminal warm ‘n fuzzies — because they feel you were genuinely interested in them. (And then a funny thing happens. Because you acted like you were more interested in them, you BECOME more interested in them!)

Sure, everyone likes to receive a compliment from you. But why not make it a double-whammy for them? Give them . . .

1) The GRAPEVINE COMPLIMENT Do not bestow a compliment directly upon the receiver. Choose one of their friends to be the "carrier pigeon." Here's an example: You tell Darlene (who is Diana's best friend) that you think that Diana is a dynamic woman. Rest assured that Diana will hear of your admiration before the sun sets. It has traveled straight to her heart through the most reliable information highway in history – the grapevine! And the beauty of it is that she can't accuse you of being a flatterer – because you didn't compliment her. You told her friend!

2) The HEARSAY COMPLIMENT. This one thrills the recipient. Suppose Jill says something complimentary to you about Jack. Run, do not walk, to Jack and say, "You know, Jack, the other day Jill said . . . whatever." Now Jack feels doubly good because both you and Jill know he's a great 'ol guy.

OK OK, just one more — the IMPLIED COMPLIMENT. This one is very subtle. You don't compliment. You merely imply the listener's magnificent qualities. Try saying something like this to them, "Well, Paul, a person as perceptive as you . . . etc." Or, "Susan, someone as slender as you . . . etc." I fell for it once when a man about my age said, "Leil, you're much too young to remember this, but . . .” I was deaf to the rest of his sentence because I was so delighted with his mistake. Er, I mean, implied compliment.

You're dashing to a date, an appointment, a something-or-other. Rats, a chatty colleague spots you and drawls an untimely "Well, hello, let's chat for while" grin.

Usually poor souls ambushed like this furrow their brows; blurt out rapid excuses while prancing in place like a horse being kept from his feed bag; then gallop off. That wins you about as much respect as "Alice in Wonderland's" frenzied White Rabbit – and makes them feel like the Mock Turtle.

No, here's your strategy. As soon as you spot your colleague, come to a smiling and screeching halt. Then YOU give that leisurely "Let's chat" smile. And, yes, do chat — for about ten seconds!

Then, so you don't look like you're making a prison break, gracefully explain your rush and take your leave unhurriedly. However, when you're just a few feet away, pick up your pace to practically a sprint — to support your story. Now they feel valued, you retain their respect, and it doesn't take any longer than doing the insulting white rabbit break dance.