April 2014

I know, I know, this one sounds devious. But dedicated and accomplished people usually love their work and find themselves thinking about long past 5pm..

So say you need to send your boss an update or some ideas on a project you're working on. Wait to send it until the evening from home–even close to midnight.  It demonstrates that you're an enthusiastic employee of the former type.

It's natural to assume people would feel friendlier if you use their nickname. But be careful! A lot of people prefer their more formal name. For instance, if someone you meet has a name which usually has a nickname (like Bob for Robert, Lou for Louis, Liz for Elizabeth, or Candy for Candace) DON’T use it until you’re sure THEY do. It distances you from the person and they can be offended.

Hmm, I’m not sure I believe this one, but a serious study at the University of Missouri found that tweeting and other social media use was linked to infidelity and divorce:  http://bit.ly/1srY2qf

They forgot to mention, of course, that almost a third of marriages today come from meeting online.

Whenever you are talking with anyone, he/she senses subliminal signals about how you feel–sentiments you yourself may not even know you have. When you’re angry or hostile, your hands instinctively close up almost as though you want to make a fist. But of course you don't because that would be antisocial. 

A few loose neurons escape however, and your hand (especially your right one if you are right handed) starts to curl. Consciously tell your hands to stay open while talking to hide your negative feelings.

Believe it or not, you can make your "hello" pack a bigger positive wallop by just changing the accented syllable. Usually we say "HEL-low." But switch it to "hel-LOW" and now it sounds like you are extra pleased to see the person. Or, in certain cases, accompanied by flirtatious body language, your "hello" becomes real sexy.

Don't start any conversation with those words. Even if you are sincere, when they hear, "Please don't take this the wrong way," that's precisely what they will do!

Whenever checking out at the drugstore, the supermarket or department store, I often hear the salesperson saying “Have a nice day.” I look up to smile at her/him—and the cashier isn’t even looking at me! It gives me the opposite of the “warm and fuzzies.” I’m thinking that this person is “flat and cold,” and, well, not too smart. Whenever you wish someone a nice day, make sure you’re looking into the eyes of the recipient of your sentiment–then let your eyes linger a second longer.

Here’s a lovely way—just by tweaking a few common phrases– to make friends, colleagues and even strangers have a warmer reaction to you.  I call it: “The YOU for THAT Substitution.”  Here’s how it works:

When complimenting something someone said or did, substitute the word YOU for THAT. Here are a few examples:

Instead of saying “That’s a good question,” say  “YOU have asked a good question.”

Instead of, “That’s a great idea,” say “YOU have a great idea.”

Instead of “That’s an excellent suggestion,” try “YOU have made an excellent suggestion.”

Instead of, “That’s a fabulous blouse,” substitute “YOU look fabulous in that blouse.”

After someone tells a joke, instead of “That is so funny,” you can even say “YOU are so funny” (just make sure they understand it’s a compliment!)

Why is that three letter little word, “you” so powerful? Well, I’m sure you’ve heard that hearing one’s own name is the sweetest sound in the English language. Hearing YOU, in a positive context, comes in second.

And if you want a double whammie, use both. Include his or her name before the word “YOU.” 

Everyone knows there are real smiles and fake ones. And unfortunately practically everyone can sense when they are the recipient of the latter.  (As cynical as it sounds, whether for political, social or benevolent reasons, we cannot deny that giving a genuine smile is a crucial skill in today’s complicated society.)

So can you fake a real smile? Sure, if you’re expert at activating your orbicularis oculi muscle (more commonly known as crinkling your eyes) at the same time you are smiling. The problem is that more people can wiggle their ears than accomplish that formidable feat. So you need a work-around to make the recipient perceive your smile as genuine. Here it is.

When smiling at someone, let your eyes linger on his or hers at least 3 seconds longer while saying to yourself silently, “You are really special and I like you.” You must keep eye contact for the duration of this silent phrase which, if you are not fond of the recipient, can feel like a decade.

Your elongated eye contact and warm expression resulting from self talk about your affection is a powerful substitute for not being able to accomplish the Herculean task of voluntarily crinkling your eyes as you smile. 

Ladies, if you are sitting on a couch next to a man you like, be sure to cross your legs toward him. It subliminally signals your feeling of attraction. The opposite is also true. If you don't welcome his attention, cross them the other way.