December 2013

‘Tis the season . . . of holiday parties. And readers have asked for more tips on meeting and mingling.  

Tip 1: Planting hidden cameras in the ceiling at parties, researchers proved that people are more apt to approach you if you are not balancing any food in your hands.  If you want to hold a drink, keep it below waist level so people don’t see your knuckles which subliminally signal “go away.”  Women, a shoulder bag is best to keep your hands free.

Tip 2: Wear something fun and festive that people can comment on. You don't have to don a Santa Claus hat. But things like tiny Christmas ball earrings for women or a reindeer tie for men draws smiling attention.

Tip 3: Isn't it distressing when everyone is chatting amicably and you’re standing all alone? Here's relief. Employ the world’s most obvious but under-used technique: Think of yourself as the Official Party Greeter. Find someone standing alone, extend your hand and say, "Hi, my name is . . . . And yours?"  Follow up with a question like "How do you know the host?" They'll be grateful for the rescue.

Can't find a loner? Then approach a few people casually conversing and say, “I hardly know anyone here. May I join you?” They’ll think you’re courageous and cool–and you’ll be astounded by their warm welcome.

Here come the company holiday bashes we all love to say we hate. Whether you’re pro or con, here are a few smooth survival moves.

1.       Stand near the middle of the room. (Studies show that’s where VIPs instinctively gravitate.)

2.       Hold your drink in your left hand. Nobody wants to shake a wet cold one.

3.       If you take her business card, don’t just stuff it in your pocket or purse. Hold it at waist height and glance at it several times while chatting.  This expresses curiosity and respect.

4.       It is impressive to have a quality business card case. But insert only a few cards at a time in it so you don’t look like you’re dealing from a big deck.

5.       When introducing someone, follow up with a sentence or two (preferably something intriguing) about one or both to get lively conversation going.  

6.       To escape a boring chat, say “It’s been great talking with you. I’ll let you mingle now so others will have a chance to meet you.”

A study conducted by sociolinguist Jennifer Daily O'Cane showed that saying "like" a lot (like some people do every other word!) establishes rapport between young people and makes them more likeable to each other. The downside is that when you say "like" too often, people figure you are less intelligent. You choose.

Whenever someone gives you good news (that you already knew), don’t tell her you already heard. Just thank her enthusiastically. Why not tell her?
Because good people enjoy giving good news.

Sure, you know how important it is to smile at someone. But what you may not know is that subconsciously people have a sixth sense whether your smile is real or fake. And a fake smile is almost worse than no smile.

Here’s a quick “Little Trick” to make sure your smile exudes sincerity. I call it "The Lingering Smile." Simply hold it a few seconds longer, even AFTER you’ve both looked away. Their peripheral vision will perceive it and sense your smile's authenticity or lack of it. 

Some Thanksgiving dinner conversations with the family are super. Others are strained. To keep the chit-chat in the first category, ask everyone what he or she has to be thankful for. When it's your turn, be sure to include, "I'm thankful I have such a wonderful family."

Ouch, how many people have already asked you that question this week? (And how many of those acquaintances really care?) They probably just want to tell you about what THEY are doing anyway.

So, if you’re tired of talking turkey, simply smile and answer, “Going crazy!” If you want to extend the conversation, add, “How about you?”

 A nice question to ask real friends is, “So tell me some of the things you’re thankful for this Thanksgiving.” (Remember, when people talk about happy things, they subliminally “connect” those good feelings with you.) When they then reciprocate, be sure to include, “I’m thankful I have a friend like you.”

Happy Thanksgiving!

I've heard people introduce themselves with "My name is . . ." and their voice goes UP at the end of the sentence. That makes it sound like a question!  Make it goes DOWN to exude confidence and sound like you're sure of who you are.

Holiday parties are coming up soon! Ho ho ho. Be sure to hold your drink in your left-hand to keep the right free for handshakes. Not only that, but if you don't, they might get a wet soggy one and think you're nervous–or a cold fish!

When you use this little tip, you also save people the embarrassment of forgetting each other’s names: Let's say you are introducing a Justin to an Ashley. First say, “Ashley, I’d like you to meet Justin. Justin this is Ashley.” Then, indicating each with your hand, REPEAT “Ashley—Justin. Justin—Ashley.”

Until you get used to it, you may feel awkward saying each name several times. But they will both be grateful for the memory aid—and everyone listening will be impressed with your sensitivity to the discomfort of forgetting someone's name.