November 2013

Most people think a good handshake means a strong grip. But that's not the most character-revealing part of it.  Here's how to trick yourself into a heartfelt handshake that makes the other person feel a deep connection.

As you extend your hand, visualize a powerful magnet in your palm about the size of a silver dollar. At the same time, imagine an ancient iron coin centered in his or hers. 

As your hands touch, WHOOSH, your palms are pulled together irresistibly by the magnetism. Now he/she senses your warmth and your handshake signals sincerity and closeness.

This one is super subtle but don't use the common phrase, "How can I HELP YOU?" It's very subconscious but it puts someone in the position of feeling they need help. And nobody likes to feel needy." Instead, substitute, "How may I be of assistance?"

Most people start their email messages with the recipient’s name. Example: “Maya, I really enjoyed meeting you.” But it sounds more personal if you use it at the END of the sentence: "I really enjoyed meeting you, Maya.”

When you have something really important to convey, use their name in the MIDDLE of a sentence to make that particular point jump out. Instead of just telling Chuck that “It is crucial that you come to the meeting,” drive it home by writing, “It is crucial, Chuck, that you come to the meeting.”

A final note: It's super warm and fuzzy to put their name as the final word in the message. Hearing their own name last is more pleasurable (and original) than “Sincerely,” “Best” or “Thanks.” Close your email with the “sweetest sound in the English language” to them–which is, of course, their own name.

Of course, don’t overdo their name – once or twice is per message is enough!

Whenever you want to express a strong opinion which people might disagree with, simply preface it with, "In my opinion . . ."  They surely can't disagree with that!

In normal conversation, try not to talk for more than one minute straight without letting someone else make a comment. No matter how interesting what you are saying is, after a minute they start thinking, “How long is this guy/gal going to go on?”

Whenever inviting someone to dinner, you should ask about their dietary restrictions. But, whoa. Nobody likes to feel "restricted." Instead, ask your guest if he/she has any "dietary PREFERENCES." Then, they'll tell you if they're vegetarian, gluten-free, macrobiotic, vegan, Lacto Vegetarian, ovo-lacto vegetarian . . . whatever. (Then, of course, you must find out what the heck that means.)

The next time you are talking with someone and it’s important he or she knows you are telling the truth, turn your palms up. It subliminally says, “I have nothing to hide.” Police interrogators are sensitive to subtleties like this.

Keeping your palms up also express warmth and and acceptance of the other person. Often religious figures are depicted with their arms open and their palms facing up.

Lastly, a tip for the ladies. Sitting at a table, if you rest your chin on your knukles with your palms facing a man, it signals “come hither.” Knuckles express “go away.” In fact, whenever speaking with anyone, give yourself a hand check until “open palms” becomes a natural habit.

Professional speakers and comedians are prepared for all kinds of “disasters”—like telling a story you think is hilarious and no one laughs. (It happens to me a lot.) Perchance it happens to you, here’s what speakers call a “Save Line.” (Actually they call it a “Save your a__ line.“ Tell them, “Funny, my mother loved that story.” That will, at the very least, bring a chuckle.”

Are you tired of parroting the trite and almost obligatory answer to the routine question, “How are you?” Saying “Fine” is an almost knee-jerk reaction. The other day a good friend gave me a belly laugh when, instead, she answered, “I’m fine, but the parts are giving out.” Try it and see your friends smile.

When meeting new people, maintaining good eye contact is probably the most crucial element. But you already knew that!
In the Western world, strong eye contact signals honesty, respect, interest, intelligence, candor, and confidence. Yet, for many of us, the most difficult aspect of meeting people is looking into their eyes long enough to really connect with them.
Here’s help for the eye contact-challenged: During the introduction, hold their gaze while silently describing the color of her eyes to yourself. Are they blue? Brown? Green? Then check out the shape of his eyes. Are they round? Oval? Almond? Are her lashes short? Long? Curly or straight? What about pupil size? How much of the whites are showing? And how white are they? Yellowish? Reddish? A bit bloodshot?
That “Little Trick” (and a strong handshake) should put you on the path to a positive relationship.