July 2009

Trading business cards? Don’t just hand yours to the recipient like a worthless piece of cardboard stock. I’ve seen people swap cards as though they were dirty Kleenexes.

Don’t demean yourself like that! You are giving someone a representation of yourself. When you handle your card with reverence, it shows you take pride in your profession. Here's how: Take your card out of an attractive carrying case and present it HORIZONTALLY, WITH THE SCRIPT FACING THE RECIPIENT. Hold it just a bit HIGHER than usual—not in his face—but at a height where he could almost read it in your hands. If you show respect your work, others will, too.

Now she’s giving you her card? Do not just glance at it and quickly stash it in your pocket or purse. First, hold the card with BOTH HANDS and gaze at it as though it were a small piece of art she had hand-painted on rice paper especially for you. Then switch it to one hand, but continue holding it at waist level or just below. Give her card a RESPECTFUL GLANCE FROM TIME TO TIME. You are now making her feel especially esteemed and valued.

First, attention ladies: Whenever you go to a restaurant with a man, whether he's a client, boss, husband, main squeeze, first date, or just plain friend — let HIM have the chair facing the door. Is this being sexist? No way. It's simply being savvy about the confounding neurological verity that males of our species are not at ease with their backs to the door. Don't ask me why. Maybe it comes from the old West when the cowboy never knew what gun slinging outlaw was going to kick open the saloon door and blast him in the back.

Now, gentlemen: Sure, go ahead and make a nose dive for the facing-the-door chair. That is, if you want to make a power-play or express superiority. But be sensitive to the fact that it's a subconsciously male-coveted seat. Are you with a client, prospect, male boss, or a good buddy? Let the other dude face the door if you want him comfy enough to buy from you, promote you, or just feel good vibes in your presence.

You're late to the meeting, the party, and the appointment, the anything. Natural instinct is to slink in with a mortified expression, and immediately blurt out an excuse . . . before even sitting down! "The traffic was terrible." "My dentist's appointment ran late." "I had to take my pet to the vet," or "my kid to the doctor" ad nauseam.

Don't demean yourself like that! Don't slink in like a panting dog brandishing an excuse between his teeth. A gracious "Excuse me" suffices. Don't worry that the crowd is smirking, "Well what's his/her excuse?" Simply proceed proudly as though you are early.

Then LATER in the proceedings, find an unflustered way to honestly allude to the terrible traffic, the delayed dentist, the afflicted animal, or the sick little shaver. You come across as far more sincere, secure, and not obsessed with their opinion of you. (This definitely makes it go up a notch or two!)

I'm sure you've had this conundrum: You're chatting with a friend or colleague, and they start repeating a joke or story they've told you before. Yikes, now you have a tough choice: 1) Do you interrupt and say they've told you before? Nah, that's rude. (2) Do you let them continue with their joke, and then fake a laugh? Nah, that's insincere. (Besides, halfway through, they might remember that they told it to you before. Now they feel foolish and think you're pandering them.) So what's a civilized person to do?

Here's salvation. Simply let them finish the story and then say, "That's a GREAT story!" (This is appropriate whether you heard it or not.) Your reaction pleases them, and you're freed from being rude or faking a reaction.

"But, wait," you might ask, "what if, after their story, they remember you’ve heard it?” They ask why you let them continue. No problem. Simply say, "I enjoyed the story so much the first time that I wanted to hear it again!"

How many times have you sent a message to someone and ZAP, this comes back: "I am currently out of the office for the remainder of this week. If you need immediate assistance in my absence, you may contact Jane Doe at . . . Blah blah blah

Automatic responses like that make them sound just that – – – blah. First of all, they should kill stilted phrases like "remainder of the week," "immediate assistance," "to insure prompt action" and "in my absence." Who talks like that? And, horrors, "This is an automatically generated response." That adds insult (of your intelligence) to injury.

So, next time you'll be out of the office, try something like, "I'm sorry I couldn't receive your message. I won't be here the rest of the week but, if you need anything in a hurry while I'm away, Jane will be happy to help you." After you let them know how to contact Jane, end on a friendly note, perhaps: "I look forward to responding to you when I return."

Whenever most people hear the voice on the phone asking, “Are you able to hold?” they mumble a begrudging “Yeah” or “OK” There is a better way! The next time you are asked, “Can you hold?” say cheerfully, “OH SURE, I’D BE HAPPY TO!” After the initial shock, they’ll manage to pick their jaw up off the desk and gratefully thank you. Then, when they come back to the line, you’re sure to get priority treatment. Plus you’ve made someone’s day a little bit happier.

Have you ever been chatting with someone in their office and Brrring! Their phone rings. They answer, listen for a second, clear their throat, and say “Um, er, can I call you back?” They’re sure you suspect they’re dodging the police, the IRS, or a past lover. (More likely they just didn’t want to mollify a grouchy Mom while you were listening.) Or perhaps they do talk to their caller — but your presence cramps their style. Don’t do this to people!!!

The moment a friend, colleague, boss or anyone you’re talking to has a phone call, RUN! Pretend you are intensely interested in the hideous painting hanging just outside their office; Or you’re dying of thirst and welcome the opportunity to head for the water cooler down the hall. Or (an all-time favorite,) you suddenly develop an urgent need for the restroom.

Don’t return to their office until their conversation is over. You’ll see their grateful smile as you come back — AFTER they’ve hung up!

No, not the baby’s one — the office meeting one. It’s sounds devious but it’s really not. It just generates more respect for your ideas. Arrive at the gathering early and scan the room for the highest chair. Then place your soon-to-be-more-respected tush upon it. All the chairs the same height? If they’re the spinnable type, spin yours up to the highest position. Or, if there is a couch in the meeting room, nonchalantly sit on the arm. The goal is to be the highest participant in the room so, when you speak, people must look up to you. Just be careful if you think your CEO knows this trick. Then take the second highest seat!

When introducing a subject, your colleague asks you “Have you ever heard of . . .so-and-so?” No matter how obscure the person, place, or thing your questioner is referring to, you feel like a dummy. Don’t do that to others! Save them the humiliation of having to confess their ignorance.
Amend that to “You may have heard of so-and-so,” then go QUICKLY into your point before they are forced to blush and mumble “no.” Or lie about the extent of their knowledge . . .”

Sure, everyone loves hearing their name. But if you say it at the beginning of your phone, email, or live conversation, it loses 90% of its power. Save it for near the END, and it gives much more punch. It’s especially powerful with customer service people. Scribble their name on a pad when you first hear it. Then don’t use their name until the END of the communication when you can say something like, “Thanks, you’ve been a great help, Bob." (You can bet Bob is going to give you even better service now!) And using a friend's or new acquaintance’s name at the END of your conversation creates a warmer and deeper bond: “It’s been wonderful taking with you, Patricia.”